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Secrets Of Effective Communication (I).

By Debra Cohen, LCSW.


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How can we improve Communication and understanding in our romantic relationships? John Gray says in his book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,' that men and women have very different forms of problem solving, thinking and listening. Are we from different planets? If so, can this gap be bridged so we can better hear and be heard?

Let's look at how these masculine and feminine differences come out in daily life. First, I want to say that a man does not have to be masculine, or a woman feminine. One common example in which these two forms of perceiving exhibit themselves in everyday life is in planning an event.

For masculine consciousness, deliberation, planning, forethought, and purpose are very important values. In contrast, for feminine consciousness being present to the moment and acting spontaneously is the way to proceed. Tensions can arise if one person is more of a 'go with the flow' type while the other person leans toward 'will, purpose and planning.'

Since opposites both attract and repel, we can often admire the other person, as well as at other times, find them annoying. Self-control can seem at one time courageous and strong. At another time, it can seem rigid and inflexible. Likewise, a spontaneous person can seem creative and alive in one light.However, at other times s/he can seem chaotic, undisciplined and an 'air head.'




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